Update

Please excuse my recent blogging hiatus! Big things going on around here, which I'll share later when I have more time. I have had to resign from the TOS Crew, because our schedule is so chaotic right now. However, I do have a few more products on hand that I will need to finish reviewing, so stay tuned for those, as I have time to post. :)

Empty Arms, Full Heart

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. All life is created by God and is precious in His sight. I wanted to share something I wrote in 2002, after our first son was stillborn, in hopes that it might comfort any who are suffering through this right now. This was written while I was on the mountaintop: feeling God's arms underneath me in a way I had never felt before. I have also experienced the deep valley of grief, when you have to believe by faith that His promises are true, but your heart has trouble catching up with what you know is true. If you would like to read more on grief and loss, and God's sufficiency for our every need, please click here. (Scroll down to find several posts on our losses.)

For those of you who have never experienced this type of loss, I highly recommend this series by Molly Piper: How to Help Your Grieving Friend.

EMPTY ARMS, FULL HEART

“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” (II Corinthians 1:3-4)

On January 4^th, 2002, in the 24^th week of my third pregnancy, I delivered our stillborn son, Christopher. Our hearts were broken as we realized that all the expectations, dreams and plans we’d looked forward to this year were abruptly altered. After months of morning sickness, months of a growing belly, months of anticipation of having a new baby in the house, I came home from the hospital with an empty womb and empty arms. It was the hardest thing we had ever been through.

Before Christopher’s death, I’d never experienced any major trial in my life. I’d always feared trials and cringed to think of having to ever go through one. I’d sit around sometimes and think of horrible things that had happened to others, or worry about things that might happen to me, and wonder how I could ever get through something so terrible. What I am finding through losing Christopher is that God is not in the worrying about things that might happen, but God is always in the trial. You don’t go through it alone! The actual trial is easier to get through than you could have imagined, because the Lord is bearing the load with you! It’s not that the trial doesn’t hurt, or that you don’t grieve tremendously, but the Lord will not put on you more than you can bear. (I Cor 10:13) He has promised that He “will never leave you nor forsake you”! (Heb. 13:5) I have known this verse most of my life, but now have experienced its truth. What a blessing to know that no matter what happens to us, He will be right there with us! God is touched with the feelings of our infirmities, and He keeps our tears in a bottle. (Heb. 4:14-16, and Psm 56:8) He has graven us upon the palms of His hands! (Is. 49:15) He says in Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.” His comfort IS such a blessing. He truly is a “very present help in time of trouble”!

The Bible says in Romans 8:28 that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” God is showing us that so much good can be brought about through our suffering this loss. Our faith is being strengthened as we see that God is always with us. We don’t walk through the fire alone. (Is 43:2) I have the strongest desire to reassure those who haven’t yet walked through a fiery trial—Don’t be afraid!! God will be there with you! He is gracious and good and merciful, he will lift you up! He will work good in your life through the hardest of circumstances! Psalm 145:8-9 says: “The Lord is gracious and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy. The Lord is good to all and his tender mercies are over all His works.” Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “and the Lord, He it is that doth go before thee, He will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be thou dismayed.”

When questions come into our minds, we must remember that God is sovereign. He is in control and we may not always understand why He allows some things to touch our lives, but we don’t have to understand why…we just need to trust Him. (Is. 55:8-9, Rom. 11:33-36) For us, it was easy to see that our little son had been spared so much by going straight to the arms of Jesus. Had he lived through birth, his condition was such that he would have suffered greatly. We could see that the Lord had spared not only our son from suffering, but also us from watching him suffer and not being able to help. At one point, though, I did consider the fact that God was the one who knit this baby together in my womb…why couldn’t he have made him healthy and whole from the beginning? But the Lord brought to my mind the scripture in Romans 9: “Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to Him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?” In Job 38 the Lord says: “Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?…Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare if thou hast understanding.” And in Job 40:2: “Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct Him? He that reproveth God let him answer it. Then Job answered the Lord, and said, Behold I am vile; what shall I answer Thee? I will lay my hand upon my mouth.” Job 13:15 says, “though He slay me yet will I trust in Him.”

One of the hymns that has brought much comfort during this time of grief has been “Be Still, My Soul”:

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds shall know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Whenever I used to hear the verses “Rejoice in the Lord always” and “In everything give thanks”, I have to admit I thought that would be very difficult in the midst of trials. But praise the Lord— we can always rejoice in Him! Even when our world seems to be falling apart, we can be thankful that He’s working good from the situation, we can rejoice that He does not leave us or forsake us, we can praise Him for His faithfulness, mercy and grace, we can bless His Holy name. “The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms…” (Deut. 33:27) We can rest in His comforting arms and know that “the Lord is righteous in all His ways, and holy in all His works.”

There is great encouragement to be found in the knowledge that our times are in His hands. (Psm 31:15) All of the worrying we do is a waste of time and energy! We won’t leave this world one moment before our appointed time, or one moment later. We will never experience anything we are not supposed to go through, and whatever we do go through, He’ll be there! He will never leave us alone. What peace and happiness—what rest—can be ours when we trust in the truths of His sovereignty and faithfulness! “Cast all your care upon Him for He careth for you.” (I Pet. 5:6,7)

We rejoice that Christopher is in heaven with our Savior. He will never know pain and sorrow. Our grief is not for him, but for our own loss. Thankfully, we sorrow not as others, which have no hope. One day we will see him again! (II Sam 12:23) “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” (I Cor. 15:55) “He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces.” (Is. 25:8)

When everything seems to be falling apart, rest assured that God is still in control and He will use the trial to make something better out of us in the process—to conform us to His image, for His own glory. I would never ask for trials…but in learning the lessons He’s taught me through the death of our precious little baby, I have come to realize that trials do bring us closer to Him than anything else ever could. If He gave me the choice to go back to last year and skip over this whole experience, I wouldn’t want to do it. I have felt His presence in a closer way than ever before in my life. I know He is real. He has brought the most incredible peace and joy into my life at the darkest hour of my life. He gave me “beauty for ashes.” My womb and my arms may be aching and empty, but my heart is overflowing with the joy of the Lord.

“This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him.” (Lamentations 3:21-24)

~January 2002

Story Contest and Discount for Nature Friend Magazine!

Just a few updates to my recent review of Nature Friend magazine:

Nature Friend magazine is holding a Story Contest for subscribers. You can get details here! Scroll down for details on the contest.

They also have a $3 discount on subscriptions through November 30th...just use this code: BLOG93. And, they are offering discounts on their hardbound volumes that contain issues from past years:

We have a limited supply of 2006, 2007 (our 25^th anniversary year), and 2008. We are discounting these volumes 30% while supplies last, or until November 30, 2009, whichever comes first. You may also order the 2009 at this same savings, though we do not expect to be able to ship them before January 2010. To get this discount, use coupon code HBV30P. While this coupon code will only work for hardbound volume purchases, there is not provision to enter more than one coupon code at a time. To order both a magazine subscription and a hardbound volume, you will want to place two orders so both coupon codes can be used for the products for which they are valid.

Monday in Review: Guardian Angel Publishing

Guardian Angel Publishing sent several free e-books to me as a member of the TOS Crew. I've taken the chance to look them over and read some to my son, and I have mixed feelings as I write this review!

First of all, let me share some info about the company. From their website:

GAP staff is composed of dedicated professionals who wish to create a safe and fun environment for children to learn and grow with our eBooks and print books. You will discover our musical artists, award winning photojournalists, artists and talented authors have pioneered to create this new dynamic form of eBooks and print books.

The children model's identities in Guardian Angel books are kept private to protect the innocence of our
exceptional "model" children.

We received:

Gifts from God, a photo book with Bible verses,

The Sum of Our Parts: No Bones About It, a book that teaches kids the names of the bones in the body,



Rainbow Sheep, a cute story illustrated with some pretty neat felted wool art,


Hamster Holidays, a color-coded book about nouns and adjectives,

....and Maybe We Are Flamingos, a story about two baby flamingos who wonder why they aren't pink like the rest of the flock.

The stories are pretty good. My son and I especially enjoyed No Bones About It and Maybe We Are Flamingos. No Bones About It is a great way to teach kids the names of all those bones...and it has fun and interesting facts about the human body. Maybe We are Flamingos teaches kids that flamingos turn pink because of the food they eat, and then ponders what they'd look like if they ate only pizza, or broccoli, for example. Pretty funny for kids to imagine!

While we enjoyed the stories, I am not a fan of e-books. I realize that they offer writers a chance to self-publish, which is great. But, I would so much rather pick up a real book from the shelf and snuggle on the couch with my child, turning real pages and soaking up a story the good ole' fashioned way!

That said, print books are available from Guardian Angel Publishing, so there are other options! You can choose to download a PDF, buy a cd-rom, buy a print version, or even a DVD version of the books!

GAP has books covering all kinds of topics. Check out their alphabetical listing, and see what freebies you can get!

For more reviews of GAP, click on the TOS Crew logo below.

Check This Out...Pumpkin Cheeseball!

This Pumpkin Cheese Ball recipe from Gooseberry Patch is so cute, and sounds delicious, too! Gotta' make one soon. :)

Hashbrown Breakfast Casserole

I love easy and delicious recipes. This one is a hit every time I serve it to company.

Hashbrown Breakfast Casserole

8 frozen hash brown patties
3 C. cheddar cheese, shredded
2 C. fully cooked ham, bacon, or sausage
7 eggs
1 C. milk
½ tsp. salt
½ tsp. ground mustard

Place hash brown patties in single layer in greased 9x13 in. dish. Sprinkle with cheese and meat. Beat eggs, milk, salt and mustard together, and pour over meat. Cover and bake at 350 degrees for one hour, or till knife inserted in center comes out clean.

For more Tasty Tuesday recipes, please visit Beauty and Bedlam.

Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY...October 5th

Outside my window...
crisp cool air, shadows falling after a gorgeous fall day

I am thinking...
about my lesson plans for tomorrow's co-op classes.

I am thankful for...
my dh just agreeing to take all the kids to the library.

I am remembering...
yesterday's sermons. Both were excellent: "Grace Upon Grace" and "Beware of Worry"

I am going...
nowhere else today.

I am reading...
Loving God with All Your Mind, and The Tragic Tale of Narcissa Whitman

I am hoping...
for miracles to happen this week. :)

On my mind...
God's provisions for our needs.

From the learning rooms...
among other things....
High Schooler: Getting ready for PSAT
Middle Schooler: Learning how to outline
1st Grader: Reading well, picking up math facts quickly, being cute.

Noticing that...
the leaves are turning beautiful colors!

Pondering these words...
Grace for grace: Like waves crashing on the shore one on top of another...
so God's grace comes to us.

From the kitchen...
We had our spicy Bean Soup and Jalapeno Cornbread for dinner. Yummm.

Around the house...
Cleaned like crazy today.

One of my favorite things
My family.